Have you ever wondered how Brutus would fare on a Boxer SAT test? Ever been morbidly curious to see if Duchess would make Advanced Placement Sofa-Hogging or suffer the humiliation of Remedial Squeak Toy Retrieval?

Professor Stanley Coren would have you believe the answers can be found in his publication "The Intelligence of Dogs: Canine Consciousness and Capabilities."

The book contains a list that purports to rank the breeds from 1 to 79 in order of their canine IQ. The Border Collie is the Einstein of the group, followed closely by the Poodle, German Shepherd Dog and Golden Retriever.

The Fabio of the dog world, the exquisite Afghan Hound, finds itself embarrassingly in last place.

Boxers are ranked 48th, tied with Scottish Deerhounds and one step above Great Danes. How was "Coren's List" created? He sent questionnaires to obedience judges across North America and tabulated their responses.

Anyone who tries to simplistically equate obedience performance with intelligence has not spent more than a fleeting millisecond with a Boxer.

A Boxer basically does what it does when it feels like doing it, but when it wants to it can learn like lightning. (Take that, Professor!) I still smile when I remember my first Boxer out in the backyard with my father while he taught her to jump hurdles. She jumped a lot of hurdles that afternoon.

She saw very little point to the exercise and firmly and irrevocably decided she would do no more hurdle jumping. Period. She wagged her tail a lot and eventually convinced me that a delicious roll in the local swamp would be more to her liking. I learn fast, too.

You see, Boxers are nothing if not obstinate. Those who successfully train Boxers to advanced obedience degrees are without peer---they have learned how to be smarter than their dog and that a Boxer needs to know why it should do something, why it should interrupt its leisure to pursue some silly human desire. If you give it reason enough, it may perform for you, and do so in style, but a Boxer without a reason is immovable. End of discussion.

Most readers of this column can cite many illustrations of the Boxer's innate brilliance and often uncanny creativity.

I'm thinking of a puppy named Bo who, when placed for the first time in a crate, carefully watched me securely fasten the latch, then calmly reached out, lifted the latch in precisely the reverse pattern and proudly walked free. And did so again. And again.

I'm thinking of a dog named Dylan who left for a week of shows without his beloved green rubber frog. When he returned, he raced through the living room, up the stairs and behind the door where he had left Mr. Amphibian.

You can't tell me he lacked the power to reason and remember.

Gus rode across Long Island Sound on the auto ferry with me one bright summer afternoon. It was a pleasant trip (Gus' first), replete with lots of Fritos and cookies proffered by the kids who found Gus ineffably fascinating. When we landed, we found ourselves in the middle of a long line of passengers impatiently threading their way between the tightly spaced cars on the auto deck. Suddenly, disaster loomed. The spaces had grown so narrow that no 75-pound male Boxer could maneuver another step. Harried passengers glared at us without pity. We couldn't go forward or retreat.

The line halted. Without any forethought, I nervously looked at Gus, who was looking back at me, and said, aloud, "Gus, there's no way we can do this unless you get down on your belly and crawl under the cars so we can get out of here."

My big, sweet, full-of-cookies dog gazed into my eyes, lowered his body and crawled under three cars while I struggled to keep up with him. The man ahead of me gasped audibly at this prodigious intellectual feat. The lady behind me shook her head in disbelief. I myself was mightily impressed.

Gus was justifiably proud of himself and jauntily completed his navigation of the auto maze without further complication.

So, Professor, you can't tell me where Boxers belong on some dubious list!

No dog that can carry messages behind enemy lines, serve as a guide dog for the blind, refuse arbitrary hurdle jumping or understand complex sentences on a summer ferry, is 48th at anything. Case closed.

Stephanie Abraham
YOUR BOXER'S IQ - BREAKING THE CODE 
AKC Gazette July 1994